I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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