My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
