and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize