Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to calm my uterus...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
