the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
