I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
