I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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