I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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