Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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