No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
