the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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