he wants to bone in the snuggie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
