good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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