Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
