you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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