Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
