Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Randomize
