Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
