i just wanna soil my oats bro
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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