i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
