My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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