The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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