Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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