I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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