You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
