If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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