Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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