Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
