goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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