I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
