Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just cropdusted the office
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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