Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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