We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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