Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
