My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
