I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
