i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
