Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
