Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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