I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he fucked my hip out of place.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
