Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
