just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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