If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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