hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
