I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
