she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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