Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
