I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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