Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
