I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
