Got a toothbrush?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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