sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
