The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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