On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
