so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize