I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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