I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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