I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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