I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize