When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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