k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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