Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
