I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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