Dual....:-)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
