the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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