We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
