i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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