READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
