I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
