he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
