there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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