Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
