I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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