Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
