Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
