i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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