their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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